Wire – Map Ref. 41°N 93°W (1979)

This song seems to find its way to my ears during the worst times of my life, including the present, when I’m regularly considering killing myself. My mental health has imploded (yet again) this year, despite my diligence and efforts. Since I’m addressing an audience of nobody, I can be honest. This song is a driving and sonically dense cross section of punk and ‘new wave,’ with abstract cartographical lyrics and an absolute juggernaut of a pop hook chorus. If you’re reading this and I’m dead, hello from death and hello from the past. If you’re reading this and I’m alive, hello. If you’re reading this and you’re me, thank you for not killing yourself. Some people have never experienced suicidal depression — where every thought is painful and the only known escape is to kill the body that houses your malfunctioning brain — and if reincarnation is real and I have to live again, I’d like a life where I don’t experience these brutal, unforgiving episodes of unpredictable, uncontrollable emotional and psychological suffering. I don’t know what degree of control I exert over my own existence, I don’t know how to live or how to spend my time, and ultimately I’m just trying to outlive my parents in the claustrophobic suffocating prison cell of my own life. This song is like a cursed phantom that taunts and haunts me with its beauty. I’m a mentally ill adult and I can’t predict the future. Thanks for visiting, have a good life and day. I miss my friend Logan.

BONUS

Here’s a lofi 1976 demo I didn’t even know existed, which predates Pink Flag by a year. Let’s see what these boys had on their minds in the year before producing one of the top 5 greatest punk records of all time — looks like there’s a couple Pink Flag cuts on the tracklist.

Steve Reich – Electric Counterpoint (1989)

Cool. Very pretty. Mental agony every day and dreams of ending the experience permanently, despite knowing the agony it would cause for those who love me. The death of everyone who has ever known you. My dad insisting free will exists. Not believing entirely in free will myself. A caption that I cannot imagine why anyone besides myself would ever read. Very nice piece of music though.