Grand Wizard Theodore & The Fantastic Romantic Five – Can I Get a Soul Clapp (Fresh Out the Pack) (1982)

Not to be confused with the KKK badmen, in fact the exact opposite: instead of angry violent hatred based on physical appearance, you get twizzled synth blops and the flow “I’m not prejudiced, I like all the beauties!” Who honestly wants to be angry all the time? Is that a desirable way to be? I’ve been angry in the past, and I give it a 3 out of 5. I know — harsh. In the future, you’ll be able to connect to computers over a standard RJ-11 phone jack by using a modem to call another phone elsewhere that is also attached to the phone network, which itself is attached to this tired rehashed standard issue ‘CRITICAL HIT” zaniness you (me) have come to expect from me for the last 300000 billion NetYears. Regards, Breadly


Holy moly, this is some holy rollin’ and scratchin’ majesty from the DJ from the previous track. This performance is incredible. In the present era of pressing play on a MacBook, this is an amazing feat to accomplish with entirely analog gear, just needles traveling along wax microcanyon waveform pathways etched into rotating Cool Circles, with ultra dexterity on the DJ’s part. I try to channel this kind of vibe using entirely digital controllers and still can’t rock it as hard as this. LegenDJ.

Carpenter Brut – Leather Teeth (2018)

Oh man, this is gnarly. Like a logical extension of Justice’s album, but not entirely Planisphere. I think there may come a point in time where there is more music/art/media produced mimicking the aesthetics of the 80s than there is actual primary source material from the 1980s. When that happens, there will be people mimicking the earliest artists that mimicked the 80s, so there will be artists mimicking artists who mimicked artists from the 1980s. How many mimicks deep can you go before the original aesthetic is lost? The answer is eleven, you can go eleven mimicks deep.

Jonny III – Cardboard Bachs (1977)

This song appeared on the 2009 Rocky Mountain Low compilation released by Hyperpycnal Records. The compilation features a slew of rad, ultra-obscure punk and proto-punk ditties from late 1970s Colorado — hardly considered an epicenter of punk, unlike New York, London, and LA. So obscure is the music on this compilation that most of it can’t be found anywhere on the internet… but fortunately, this jam is present, at least for now. Angular, melodic pop punk, as neat and orderly as a freshly-manufactured cardboard box. “Class, today instead of going to the box factory, we’re going to the… box factory.” – Principal Seymour Skinner